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Rio's Attic: Celebrating the Life and Times of a Dearly Missed River Phoenix

I'm angry at you River, because you left us,  because you hurt all the people around you by going.
I'm angry because you felt that you had to do it all alone, that you had to suffer alone,  that I couldn't help you or even stop you from going, and that I couldn't hold you and tell you to stop hurting yourself.
I'm sad because you will never get to do all the things you always wanted to do, see and experience the best of this life and this world, and never find the happiness you so desperately needed.
I'm sad because I, and so many others, will never get the chance to have you in our lives, and share with you all our worst and best times.
I am glad though, you were ever here at all, even for only a brief moment in what seems an eternity without you.  I'm happy you were so loved by those around you, and you could love them so much in return.  I'm happy you were such a special person to everyone who knew you, and that this world, and all of us, were blessed with you and your life.

There are so many things I wanted to say in so many different ways, but  have forgotten, or I don't know how to say them.

You were right when you said that even after you were gone, life would go on, but somehow this life is missing something without you.

I know that you are happy where you are now, and free from pain, but I hope you miss all of us as much as we miss you. You belong where you are now, away from the world, and happy.

Heaven gained an angel the night you died, and we lost a dear son, lover, brother and friend...for that we are angry at God, but we thank him for ever giving you to us.

I need to be with you, but I don't know when that will be, I just pray for the day I finally get to be with you...

I miss you so much, River, that it's really hard sometimes, but I think I love you more than you will ever know...

Goodbye, River, I'll see you when I get there...


P.S. River, when I close my eyes I can still see your face and hear you singing, and I smile...

So there it is;  I'm sorry for it being so long, and for it not being as coherent and eloquent as I wanted it to be, but I just started writing, and that's how it came out, you know. A lot of it probably sounds a bit selfish, but I am entitled to be selfish with my own memories. I hope if anybody reads this, they will understand what I'm trying to say, and maybe recognise "their own little bit of River" in what I've written, that's all I really want, for someone to finally hear what I'm trying to say about someone who was so important to me, and so special to all of us...


London, United Kingdom

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